Life lessons in a death notice

Jean Oddi died on Monday in Columbus, Ohio, and the local newspaper — the Columbus Dispatch — appropriately observed the unwritten rule of good obituaries: You don’t edit out swear words when the departed write their own obit.

She had a thing about numbers, her daughter says.

“My mother was OCD. She hated even numbers. If we went shopping and went to two stores, we’d have to go to another to make it an odd number,” Casey Clark said.

At a funeral on Saturday, they will serve “White Castles, pizza, Krispy Kremes, and booze,” she reports.

Jean E. Oddi, September 7, 1925-February 20, 2017. I was born. I lived. I died. I hate to admit it, but evidently I died. I guess, after all these years, God finally figured out where to put me. I should have known the end was near after I had to be in room # 20 in the emergency room. I hate even numbers.

I’m leaving behind a hell of a lot of stuff Casey and Melissa will have to get rid of. So, if you’re looking for random crap, you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them.

But this is not the time to talk about what I may or may not have bought from the JC Penney Outlet or TJ Maxx, this is about me. I was born on September 7, 1925 in blah, blah, blah, the daughter of a wonderful and beautiful woman and an SOB man.

I lived most of my life in Columbus, Ohio but had a few stints in West Virginia, New York, Nevada, and California. My husband, Guy Oddi, died before me and I will be missed by my favorite daughter, Casey; my adorable and favorite granddaughter, Melissa Eden should be Jean and her conservative husband, Michael and by those two amazing grand babies, Griffin and Nicholas, I am very proud of.

I will miss my special friendship with Mary, we had so much fun over the years. I will miss my friends at Cherrington Place and hosting party central on Friday nights. I’ll miss everyone at Trillium, especially those I played cards with. Thank you, everyone, for all you did for me.

To Shirley, hell, what can I say? We saw it all, did it all and had a ball! Thank you for putting up with all my shit. You are my oldest friend and I loved every minute we had together.

I will always remember when my mom and I tormented Casey’s suitors, crazy, fun times at Buckeye Lake, on Strawberry and Geers, gardening, modeling, being crafty and shopping, any time I spent dancing with the baby, listening to good music, playing blackjack and the crazy game, playing any card game with Guy, Shirley and Joe.

I loved the smell of lavender, drinking hot coffee, teaching my granddaughter dirty songs, telling jokes and stories from the bad old days, cooking and eating, hosting huge holiday meals, baking pizzelles, cookies and cakes, including one that takes 4 days! I had hilarious and memorable adventures to Florida, Washington DC, Vegas, Alaska, Hawaii, Mexico, Australia, Europe, the Panama Canal and sorry Casey, Canada.

Oh, dammit, I really wanted to go to Asia. I’m proud to have been the president of my own corporation, #1 AH, and to have received my doctorate in Bitchology, please see my card. I enjoyed showing dogs and remember Missy, Princess, Ms. Tweetie and my sweet Caroline. I sure hope there is CNN wherever I’m going so I can check on my stocks.

I’ll be cheering on Ohio State with Rod and I pass to Melissa my “witchy witchy cat’s ass” powers. Use them wisely. I was a crazy teenager, a loving wife, a hard worker, a loyal friend and a hands on grandmother. My late husband called me Black Cat and Gabby. As a descendant of British royalty, it’s no surprise I’ve also been called The Queen and Queenie, but my favorite title is Majean.

Please remember this: never let the facts get in the way of a good story, the middle finger is sign language; when someone gives, take; when someone takes, scream, and take care of yourself. Don’t get old. Oh, and don’t tell anyone what kind of day to have.

A short service by Rev. Copeland will be held at The Trillium, 3500 Trillium Crossing Way on Saturday, February 25, 2017 at 11:00 am. The after party open house will be at Melissa and Michael’s home from 3-5 pm Saturday.

If you are sick, don’t bother to come. I might be dead, but I still don’t want your germs. Over the years, I supported many different charities so, in lieu of flowers, because they don’t smell anymore anyway, donate to Olentangy Patriots Little League, Ohio Health Hospice or Living Faith Apostolic Church.

My family and I would like to thank the caring staff, nurses and doctors at Riverside Hospital, Mid Ohio Cardiology, Dublin Family Care, especially Jim Barr, and Ohio Health Hospice. I would like to thank my darling daughter Casey, who I adore, who cared for me, shuttled me around to my doctor’s appointments, managed my pills, cleaned up after me and apologized in my wake for far too many years. I wasn’t always nice, but I did, and always will, love you. Watch out for the bluebirds. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Don’t cry because I’m gone, instead have a drink and be happy you knew me. Maybe you can cry a little bit, because, after all, I died. Now, and forever, I am happy and playing cards with Jameson but not until 9 p.m. Cheers! Please visit to share a memory with Jean E. Oddi’s family. Arrangements entrusted to SCHOEDINGER MIDTOWN CHAPEL, 229 East State St., Columbus, OH 43215.

“She always got the first word and the last word,” daughter Casey Oddi Clark told the Dispatch this week.

(h/t: Paul Tosto)