You can’t settle old scores with a dead man

Perhaps someone finally convinced the family of Leslie Ray Charping of Galveston, Texas, of what they probably ignored right after he died a couple of week ago. Obituaries are a lousy place to settle old scores.

Or maybe they were appropriately embarrassed by what they did.

His obituary has been removed from the funeral home site where it’s gotten plenty of attention after a local newspaper spotted it.

And perhaps that’s the most unkind retribution of all: Eliminating any mention that Leslie Ray — known as “Popeye” — was ever here to begin with.

Fortunately, the obituary is still cached on Google.

Leslie Ray “Popeye” Charping was born in Galveston on November 20, 1942 and passed away January 30, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved. Leslie battled with cancer in his latter years and lost his battle, ultimately due to being the horses ass he was known for. He leaves behind 2 relieved children; a son Leslie Roy Charping and daughter, Shiela Smith along with six grandchildren and countless other victims including an ex wife, relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses and random strangers.

At a young age, Leslie quickly became a model example of bad parenting combined with mental illness and a complete commitment to drinking, drugs, womanizing and being generally offensive. Leslie enlisted to serve in the Navy, but not so much in a brave & patriotic way but more as part of a plea deal to escape sentencing on criminal charges. While enlisted, Leslie was the Navy boxing champion and went on to sufficiently embarrass his family and country by spending the remainder of his service in the Balboa Mental Health Hospital receiving much needed mental healthcare services.

Leslie was surprisingly intelligent, however he lacked ambition and motivation to do anything more than being reckless, wasteful, squandering the family savings and fantasizing about get rich quick schemes. Leslie’s hobbies included being abusive to his family, expediting trips to heaven for the beloved family pets and fishing, which he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned. Leslie’s life served no other obvious purpose, he did not contribute to society or serve his community and he possessed no redeeming qualities besides quick whited sarcasm which was amusing during his sober days.

With Leslie’s passing he will be missed only for what he never did; being a loving husband, father and good friend. No services will be held, there will be no prayers for eternal peace and no apologizes to the family he tortured. Leslie’s remains will be cremated and kept in the barn until “Ray”, the family donkey’s wood shavings run out. Leslie’s passing proves that evil does in fact die and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all.

Given the characterization of mental illness, it’s safe to say that an enduring “Popeye” legacy is that he didn’t raise children very well.

The revised obituary is a simple one:

Leslie was born on November 20, 1942 and passed away on Monday, January 30, 2017.

Leslie was a resident of South Houston, Texas at the time of his passing.

(h/t: Paul Tosto)