Halloween brings on the self-esteem stress

We can now add Halloween to life’s pressures, another sign that the apocalypse is upon us.

It’s no longer enough to throw up a few decorations or corn stalks at ye olde homestead. People are now feeling the pressure to hire professionals to dress us for Halloween parties; the better to get props for our creativity.

One must now hire “Halloween whisperers” to professionally design something that will be a hit on social media, the Boston Globe reports today.

It’s a combination of the peer pressure of Instagram and Facebook, and the pressures on family life that leave us with no time to keep up with the neighbors and the rest of the internet.

Also: Some people have too much money.

With people dropping as much as $1,500 for a personalized artisan-carved pumpkin — from Brooklyn-based Maniac Pumpkin Carvers (a figure that doesn’t count shipping charges that run in the hundreds) — the National Retail Federation is predicting Halloween spending will hit a record $9.1 billion.

The pressure is mounting to produce a social-media-worthy Halloween display.

Back Bay working mother Tara Jordan is one of Halloween’s victims. “I feel like I’m terrible compared to everyone else,” she said. “I don’t have a Pinterest bone in my body.”

Her admission came in answer to the following question: Why are you paying someone to bring Halloween-themed cupcakes and decorations over for a breakfast with your kids on Oct. 31?

She thought about all that she’s already not doing for Halloween and then remembered one more thing: She didn’t have the red clown face makeup her daughter needs for a costume. “I’ll have to ask [the concierge] to get it,” she said.

Scary stuff, indeed.

Related: Photos: Halloween displays at La Crosse area homes (La Crosse Tribune)